Pi

The thing I didn't mention about my birthday is my toes. Okay, I did mention my toes. My shoes. What I didn't mention is that since I've lost the heels people would compliment with envy; the beauty, the stride, and the height... if I'm wearing a pretty dress I don't know what to do with... Continue Reading →

Portraits

A little over two years ago, I started taking photographs. I started taking photographs of the gowns I wore - the pills I took. I started taking photographs of pain. At first, I thought it was a weird, pop culture, selfie compulsion... but I wasn't sharing these photos.  They never touched a twitter or a... Continue Reading →

My Girl

The day I was born, my father didn't speak.  He sang. They wrapped me in a bundle and put me in his arms; the youngest, the first and only girl.  There's a faded picture of him cradling me, smiling, singing. "I've got sunshine, on a cloudy day.  When it's cold outside, I've got the month... Continue Reading →

Art. Cynicism.

Travis comes to visit me, but I'm blue, and I'm lousy company.  I shrug, and apologize for being in the doldrums. "My body is broken and so is my heart.  That's all I've got going on right now, and I don't want to bore anyone with it." He tells me that people aren't bored by... Continue Reading →

Birthday to You.

I hate planning birthdays. I just hate it.  I don't like the stress of having to plan a whole party and make sure it goes well when all I want to do is relax and have fun.  I worry if everyone has enough ice.  I don't like the fact that half the people who RSVP... Continue Reading →

The Corner

I pursued my faith like a hungry animal.  I pursued it like my life depended on it.  I thought it did. I don't like to be mediocre at anything.  In college, my rabid quest to deconstruct my faith led to the belief that if I really wanted to understand the texts, I needed historical context.... Continue Reading →

Doorways.

He isn't the type to show up in your doorway, and that's a good thing. When I watch the wrong movie and the man tells the woman he respects her for her tenacity and strength, and that he wants her to be successful because she's earned it, I cry; he doesn't come. When the janitor... Continue Reading →

NYE

Three... two... one...  And the room goes wild. He kisses me.  He tastes like you think a man should.  His arms are wrapped around me, clutching my back to shield me from the crowd.  We are pressed tight, an ocean of champagne and shouting. He downs the last of an enormous beer, crashes the glass... Continue Reading →

Horizontal

I hated the way you said I had no "values" because I see people with compassion.  Because I believe love has solved more problems than condemning ever has.  Because I believe your version of justice would leave the world with blank eye sockets and toothless gums, choking down their own teeth. I hated the way... Continue Reading →

Too

It isn't until the morning after - the sunlight streaming through the half ripped out vertical blinds - that I really feel like shit. I only had one drink last night, followed by plastic cup after plastic cup of water, and a cold walk in the dark from downtown.  I had spent two hours crying... Continue Reading →

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